Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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