Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
