shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize