I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Never joke about your clitoris.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
