I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
