her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
