apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
