3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
