Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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