Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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