Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
