So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
