you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
