There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
