Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
