She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
