I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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