I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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