Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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