I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
