Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize