worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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