Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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