All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
