VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize