Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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