Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
