Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
