mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
