So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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