I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
