My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
