I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize