GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
