I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize