just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize