Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
