I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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