my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
