At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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