You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
