explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The beer is more important than you right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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