Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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