wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize