If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
