Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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