I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
