road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
