I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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