i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
