did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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