Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
smell my finger.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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