____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please come you make the beer taste better
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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