The maid of honor just puked.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When are your genitals available?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize