One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
