just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
