I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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