I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
