Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
