Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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