I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
