I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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