i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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