we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
