Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
