we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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