i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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