fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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