I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
