I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize