At least make sure they are 18
Why
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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