You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
