I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
