Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ugly people sure do ruin things
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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