bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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