He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
