he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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