Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize