Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just had sex bonerless
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
