Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
