A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My cat gives me a boner
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize