ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
