I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
