my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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