new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
