I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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