I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
