you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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