Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
