I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found the puke drawer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
