i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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