Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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