on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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