Don't you send me to vm
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
