I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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