Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
