just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
