Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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