Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
tell me about the fingering
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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