if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
