it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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