I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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