Yo dont text me then not text me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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