I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
