Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize