I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
