We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
