Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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