Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
