My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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