Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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