I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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