sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize